Black Bile

When I was addicted to crack
I used to faint
in the morning

Wake up
with a head full of razor blades
ears ringing with
the sound of breaking glass
again
& again !
& again !
& AGAIN !!!
shattering brick
after
brick
again&again&again
I’d roll off the couch
land smack on the floor
push myself standing and
lumber down the corridor
The walls would shake
The floor would roll like
a snake unfolding
Darkness would swirl right
in front of my twirling,nauseating eyes
Sea-sickness would
set in
and I’d grip the oscillating walls
to steady my balance
to keep from keeling over
as my stomach would
burp & gurgle
lurching
clenching and curling
a burning ache reaching into
my chest and grabbing a hold of my
overworked heart
Beat after Beat after Beat
The roiling burn would grasp the pumping
organ
with a fiery clasp
like a red-hot vise
Beat after Beat after Beat
Turn Right
I’d push open the bathroom door
stumble through the opening
bend at the waist
and start retching
Black bile
like a thick oily waterfall
would erupt out of me
spilling into the toilet
Retch after Retch after Retch
buckets of the stuff
Beat after Beat after Beat
curving into the bowl
Retch after Retch after Retch
as I coughed and sputtered
and my heart boiled
and thwacked
pounding and roiling
Then I’d stand
turn
and make a B-line
out of the bathroom
when my vision would swirl
the ground would seesaw
my mind fading blank
the room flipping upside-down
my head twirling
my vision ceasing
my knees folding
my head clunking the floor
clunk
clunk
clunk
Then my eyes would open
I’d turn over onto my back
Turn my head left and
who would be standing there but
my own mom
eyes wide with fright
jaw gaping
She’d say: “Jeremy!
are you okay??”
I’d say: “Yeah
I tripped over
my own two feet.”
She’d stare at me
in disbelief
I’d tell her it was
nothing to worry about
then stand up and go back to
sleep

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