The family that I never wanted, but always wished that I had

Today I spent over three hours in a three-mile-long corn maze with my girlfriend and her 10-year-old daughter          it was perfect|||

 

The themes:
synchronicity; serendipity; happy endings; childhood traumas; indecisions; feelings of being unwanted

Two weeks ago, on a whim, via Netflix Instant, we stumbled upon a movie called Mr. Nobody.
          The title caught my eye and I said: What’s that?  We watched the trailer and it seemed interesting enough, so we watched the movie.  It was not quite what we had expected: it was a romantic drama.

The other night, while browsing the movies and series available on Netflix Instant, a trailer for a mini-series called Maniac appeared above the browser and it seemed interesting enough, so we watched it.
It was not quite what we had expected: it was a romantic drama.

 

Growing up I was scorned.  An embarrassment to the entire family.  A misfit a loser an outcast a creep.  She was nearly aborted.
We found each other, after a lifetime worth of searching, of finding fillers, plugs, replacements, anything we could get our hands on that would fill the hole, a void, a swarming emptiness that grew larger as time went on, as every temporary filler we had found only served to disappoint us in the end, one after another….

 

I had found my family on the city street.  Drug addicts drunks & peddlers.  Liars hustlers & thieves.  I’ve been with many unstable girls in my life, all of whom offered me no such security; and it was all I had ever wanted.  I was an Anarchist          a Nihilist          a minimalist          an AbSuRdIsT          I needed nothing          wanted even less.  They gave me everything I could have ever wanted///which was absolutely nothing: no security|||   NoBoDy was Safe; and Safety, I knew          was a complete fucking lie….

I never wanted safety          I was just so much better that|||          I knew so much better than them!
Until I found her, of course.  I had never expected such an outcome.  She is everything—has everything—I had detested.  Her life represents everything I sought to destroy!!!  : : :  NoRmAlCy
But then, she is not normal.  Fuck Normal!  Had you ever envisioned that I would end up with a normal girl?  I mean, Fuck Normal!!!  But what she has     it’s beautiful …          she is beautiful!

Who would have thought?

If things were different, had been different—if I had done things differently, I believe I would always end up here: with Her!

I am Mr. Nobody.  But when I’m with her I feel like I am Someone.  Sometimes we fight; sometimes we argue.  Neither of us had had an easy run with the Opposite Sex.  But at the end of the day I feel like this is where I always wish I had been, all along.
When I was a kid, desperate for a place of belonging, a place of understanding, I morphed into a soldier, bent on destruction.
I said I had always wanted to be a soldier.  It was all I had ever wanted.  So I found familiar faces, in all the wrong places.
But today I am a lover, bent on creation.  Everything feels right.  This is where I belong….

No matter which road I had taken, I’d always find myself at the same conclusion.
Today I spent over three hours in a three-mile-long corn maze with my girlfriend and her 10-year-old daughter          it was perfect|||

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