Afraid to let go

I’m afraid that if I come down I’ll have to take full responsibility for my crimes

I’m afraid that when the high wears off I’ll be stuck with nothing but a rampant head full of regrets and racing thoughts that spread self-hatred like a bulldozer

I’m afraid that if I fall asleep the morning will come fierce with remorse and all the severed memories of a fading dream will faze into focus and the shadow of an inhuman temperament will reveal more to me than I ever want to see

I’m afraid that if I let go I will be tethered to a mountain of sorrows and my griefs and misdeeds will haunt me beyond the realm of what can be done to fix all the mutinous infractions

I’m afraid that if I give in this nothingness where I fester will be demonized by my own sins

I’m afraid that when tomorrow comes I will be a weak, useless amoeba stuck in a pool of self-doubt

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