Dirty Squatter

My mind is racing right now
my mind is racing right now
my mind is racing
Did I tell you
my mind is racing     right now
I sit outside the coffee shop
smoke a cigarette
tapping keys
on my computer
The cigarette releases enzymes
I think
or something
to calm
my racing velocity
Guy comes up to me
He’s dressed in rags
Says: Can I tell you a joke?
for a cigarette
I nod
I say: Sure
I nod again
He says:
Clean or dirty?
Dirty, of course.
Okay, he says
He spits it out
I laugh
I don’t get it
I couldn’t focus
Didn’t want him to feel bad
I give him a smoke
He tells me another
I laugh
but the meaning of it
doesn’t register
in between my thoughts
I tell him one of my own
He cracks up laughing
Folds at the waist
and Laughs
He tells me
he travels around the country
telling——
You travel around the country??
I ask him
ecstatic
He says: Yeah
He smiles
I say: I’ll give you a book
I’ve written some books
I’ll give you one
They are published and everything
You’ve written——
Yeah, I’ve written some
books
I think I was stuttering
Okay, he says
Stay there!
He says okay
I go to put out my smoke
I will smoke the rest when
I come back out
I’ve only taken, what
three drags by now
In my shaking hands
the cigarette breaks at the filter
I look at it
mutter Fuck it
toss it on the ground
I turn to the man
and say: Stay there!
He says okay
I make it up the only step
Stay there! I repeat
Hurry inside and start digging
through my bag
I find two littler books
Couldn’t find the thicker ones
I dump out the contents
on the floor
of the coffee shop
Peruse the contents
No luck
Screw it!
I head back outside
He’s still out there
No surprise!
I give him the books
Tell him I’ve written some
thicker ones but
I have none on me
He says:
You must have been through——
Yeah, I tell him
They’re good
He stands up
Thanks, man
I say: No problem
Take it easy.
He spreads his hands
outward like
an eagle
Hug?
I say sure
I don’t care
I hug him
It’s a tight hold
a tight embrace
like you might hug your
girlfriend or your
wife
I don’t let go
He hugs me
I hug him back
He’s dirty
He smells like a jar of armpit sweat
left out in the sun too long
I don’t wanna let go
I’m afraid if I do
I might fall
off the face of the earth
At the same time
we both release
I feel weird now
He walks away
Next time I see you,I promise,
I will hook you up with
a longer book
Then run through the door
I know that when I get home
my wife will have seen this poem
and demand that I take a shower
But no
my mind is racing right now
and I think I better
get going